Agggghhh
OMGGG.............i'm so stressed out. Do any of you guys know how to prevent hair falling??? Aghhh cuz my hair is sooo thinnn....what should i do??? bugh.
At bekasi...
So today afternoon i went to bekasi cuz tomorrow one of my cousin's gettin engaged. YES! Engaged :P I'm excited for her. :) I hope everything went well. Then i'm gonna stay for a few more days and do stuff....my plans :)
But now...i'm just tryin to chill....haha...can't wait for the food tomorrow. Now my diet is really over :| hufhh,,,
Now i wanna say something but i really forgot...i'm bored. my cousins are like sending musics and stuff and i'm likee i dunnoooo...
OH yeahhh...MOSQUITOSS....aghhh this is why i hate indo. there are soo many mosquitos....i hate it. =.= hwaaaaa.....go away SHOOOSHOOO....haha
Anyways i can't wait meeting point.4.four :)) MIss uuu guysss so much. Let's have the reunion soon lovies...mwa mwa.
But now...i'm just tryin to chill....haha...can't wait for the food tomorrow. Now my diet is really over :| hufhh,,,
Now i wanna say something but i really forgot...i'm bored. my cousins are like sending musics and stuff and i'm likee i dunnoooo...
OH yeahhh...MOSQUITOSS....aghhh this is why i hate indo. there are soo many mosquitos....i hate it. =.= hwaaaaa.....go away SHOOOSHOOO....haha
Anyways i can't wait meeting point.4.four :)) MIss uuu guysss so much. Let's have the reunion soon lovies...mwa mwa.
I wish…I envy… T_T
Have you guys ever felt that one of your parents is being unfair to you? Especially how they treat you between your brothers or sisters. I’m in that case right now and I just want to run out of this fuckin dumb house. My mom is being like crappy to me and my brother is being like an asshole. I just feel like bitching this house. I fuckin hate this. I hate listening to these shits I don’t need to hear. I’m not some kind of maid. I just wished mom could just listen to what I feel and relate to me like other moms to their daughters. But she just looks at me like a responsible and her doll to be made perfect. Let me say this, have she ever asked me how I feel? Or what I’m up to? Or what’s going on with me? Or why I did this or that? Or why I want to do this or that? She couldn’t even understand me when I need time to be alone. She would bitch at me and give me crap that I don’t wanna hear, without even trying to know what’s the problem.
She doesn’t give me the freedom my friends could have and what they can do with their parents. I envy my friends who can relate to their parents well. I envy their parents who knew them so well and that they actually have the time to “talk” together without any interruptions and be cool with any of it, especially with their mom. I wish I could have that with my mom. But you know what, it’s nothing. It’s never gonna happen. Don’t expect me to be the good daughter to her. I’m never anything to her except a responsible and her helper for my brothers. She only takes care of my schools and what outlooks to show people probably that she takes care of her children well. But does she care sometimes what I feel? Some of my friends have a chance of a “girl” talk with their mom. But my mom would just ignore the stuff I say to have a girl talk and move it on to another topic for my outlooks or she’s tired of everything for me that I should blablabla. I know what I’m responsible of. I’m mature enough. But couldn’t I just have a little more attention and freedom I could have as a teenager? Couldn’t she listen to what I wanna say at times? Couldn’t she look at me like a girl? Sometimes I regret having siblings, especially younger ones. I want to have older siblings. I just want someone to relate to. I love my baby brother. But my second brother is like a jerk. Other siblings can get cooperated with. But him, he’s just an ass. He always get the attention from my mom. He’s still the one who get spoiled the most. Even because of him, my baby brother couldn’t get his baby love times the best it can from my mom. He gets all the attention. He’s the one my mom care the most probably. She cares what he feels, what he do, where he is, how he is doing, even when he did something bad, she’s gonna forgive him in a day at the most!
But with me it can be forever. Even she can act harsh with my baby brother. She complains to me whenever she’s annoyed with my baby brother and how tired she is with him and how dad is unfair about it with my baby brother stuff but I LISTEN to her. When I feel like screaming “WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ANOTHER BABY THEN?!” haven’t I’ve been a good daughter?
I gave them good grades, I do everything they tell me to before, I obey them, but they never care. When I’m annoyed and not obey them and pissed at them, they’re gonna be like “you’ll see, I’m not gonna take care of you and blablabla…”
They don’t even give me privacy! They don’t let me lock my room. When my friends can do it. I don’t know what’s the problem seriously. Knocking isn’t such a big deal. And when I read novels or go to my laptop, she’ll be like “what are you doing? Just come here and take care of your brother” my friends’ mom barely do that, they’re cool. Instead my mom always tell my second brother to read or type, but he never does it cuz all he do is being like a dimwit and play. Though she knows I like to do the stuff my younger second bro doesn’t like to do, she always tell me to stop and help her take care of my baby bro or clean this that and blablabla. She always think everything I do is pointless. Maybe some people are right, “sometimes mothers act cooler to other’s child than to theirs”
I’ve always told that I’m the first child and that I should be mature and get lose with my younger brothers and give them what they want. But my second brother doesn’t do that with my baby brother and mom is fine with it at times. She just shout at him and that’s it even though my baby bro cried when he did that. But when I do that to my second bro, she’s gonna give me a bunch of craps and won’t talk to me for a week or something.
Mom only relate to me if she wants something or on girl stuff. Like shopping or if she needs money when she doesn’t have it or if she wants something from dad. She always uses my name whenever she wants things from my dad too at times, like, nisa wants to buy this and this, when she’s the one who want it.
I never tried again or even talk to mom or dad about the things, the private things, happening in my life that they don’t know. Sometimes I can’t relate with other moms better. They even listen to my stories. Mom wouldn’t even bother. She’ll be like ‘take care of your brother, I’m tired’ or ‘clean this up, that up, or ‘you’re so fat or you’re face is dirty again, do you ever use the stuff I bought and blabla…’ or ‘be like this, that, him, her, they’re blablabla’. So why should I even bother start to talk to her about my stuff if all her opinion will all lead to those things. My friends’ mom would be like “oh really?” n “why?” n “so how did it go?” n “what happen next?” at least try to have fun. All my mom do is like clean this that, need to do this that, everything needs to be done and that that, she’s the one who’s tiring herself. No one tells her to clean this up and that up. She’s the one who looks for things to do or jobs at her free time when everything is fine sometimes.
I only have free times when my baby bro is asleep or stuff but mom would still give me stuff to do when that’s my free time. Cuz it doesn’t matter day or night, I’ll have to take care of my baby bro and then she’s gonna keep me to take care of him cuz “she’s tired after the day”
Sometimes I even think that my baby bro is not so close with my mom after all, since all he needs her is to drink from her milk, that’s it. But if not, he’ll be fine without her, even I think my mom doesn’t know him as well as me, who’s like mostly with him everyday. I just couldn’t understand mom, cuz I don’t know what’s her age but she always complain “tireeedd” all the time when what she does every day is not so hard. Some older people do harder stuff but they don’t complain. I think none of my parents could get me bcoz none of them have ever felt being the first child. Mom is the last and dad is the second, although sometimes dad knows stuff I hate and that I must’ve be annoyed, but none of them will really know how I feel. Mom couldn’t even appreciate what I do or even compliment me. Dad doesn’t even get what a girl wants really. He always acts all annoying and stuff at times to my brothers or me, which isn’t funny cuz it’ll only cause troubles. Sometimes I want to run away. I feel like, I’m just a burden in this family. My parents, especially my mom: Every time they did something for me, it’ll end up sounds like a burden or something regretful. Which makes me feel like crap if I’ve done something that I know, won’t make them proud. And I know they want me to have a good life and future, but sometimes they should loosen up a bit, especially my mom, she’s always serious with me. It’s annoying. When my dad is all goofy with me when it’s not even cool. I want to have a good family time and night together, but it mostly end up with fights and annoyance either from my dad or brothers. It’s annoying. That’s why whenever we’re gonna go to theme parks or stuff, my mom would invite her older sister’s children which is my cousins. Which is really not a family night. I’m so jealous looking at pictures of my friends with their family going to another country or somewhere and have so much fun. That can never happen with my family. So instead of going with them, I’ll rather just go with my friends or cousins.
Right now I feel like a dumbass, cuz I just cried. I cried over this. Cuz my mom is being a bitch at me and everyone in this whole family are assholes except my baby brother. I feel sorry for my baby bro at times cuz he’s all innocent. Anyways I shouldn’t cry, cuz I’m strong. Some people have worse situation than I am, so I should be strong and tough.
I just wish like at this kind of times, there is someone I can talk to. Usually I talk it over with my close friends but they’re not here now. So I should just cheer up. Whatever happens…Who cares. I don’t care if they’re gonna hate me. I sometimes wonder what would they do if I die? Would they still care? But whatever, I’m strong. I shouldn’t cry. Get over this. Just be myself. They’re also just human. So be strong.
I’m a big girl and I’m mature. I can handle everything. Just keep smiling.
Just they wait and see. I’m gonna be a successful person in the future and I’m gonna prove em that it’s not because of them. It’s because of my hard work. It’s not my fault that they’re having probs with my school stuff here before. It’s all bcoz of dad’s fault, but they always put the burden on me. they’re gonna be like “for u…we did this that this that,…for u…we blablabla….”
If dad could just stay for another three fuckin months, it won’t be so damning hard. But why should I always have to hear the crap and get the blame, when none of them wants to ever listen to me. cuz they will always change the damning subject. Yep.
I really do need extra patience living this life. Just prove em wrong nisa. They never help you with any of your work before and you cope with good grades. SO let them be busy with what they’re doing. Don’t let their words make you feel like a fuckin loser. Cuz you’re not. Prove em that their ways of trying to raise children aren’t always right. They always comment on how wrong some parents treat their children and sometimes they know other children’s feelings better than their own. So let them be. Just wait and see. I don’t care if I’m gonna make em proud or not cuz they’re never proud of what I get, they’re always “be better than him, her, or blabla…”. I’m gonna make myself proud.
p.s. : I know I may sound over sentiment or whatever you wanna say but if you’re in my position, you’re gonna feel how annoying and fucking unfair it is. Especially if your younger bro always want to get you in trouble. It’s such a piss off. I wonder if I were a guy…my parents would be so nice to me probably whether I’m the first or the last. But whatever…I’m tired. Just ignore those unimportant hisses. I have my own freedom too. Just be yourself. I don’t wanna regret or ruin my once in a lifetime teenage life and I’m not gonna let them ruin it either, cuz it’s MY life. They had theirs, now it’s mine. They should just stop thinking about their past life and compare it to now and boss me around. They had their chance I don’t care whatever they did. Whether they ruin it or what but now it’s my chance. Let me do whatever I want to do, they can just give me advice, but if I did the wrong thing, I think it’ll be okay cuz I should learn from my mistakes but I wouldn’t regret it either. It’s funny though, they thought me going to a normal school instead of wanting to go to a boarding school is because I want to stay with family, with them. But it’s so wrong. It’s because I wanna go to the malls, party, check out guys, have fun…meet my friends…and can study with friends and experience something new. I actually like the thought of boarding, getting away from your parents and annoying pesty brothers, but I thought again, once I go to school, I’m gonna be busy and I won’t see em much anyway. So just be patient nisa. Patience is the key to success. Yep. I know it seems like my life sucks. But it is what it is. I’m sorry if it’s so not interesting to you, but I don’t know where else to get it out. So sorry once again. I’m such a loser.
She doesn’t give me the freedom my friends could have and what they can do with their parents. I envy my friends who can relate to their parents well. I envy their parents who knew them so well and that they actually have the time to “talk” together without any interruptions and be cool with any of it, especially with their mom. I wish I could have that with my mom. But you know what, it’s nothing. It’s never gonna happen. Don’t expect me to be the good daughter to her. I’m never anything to her except a responsible and her helper for my brothers. She only takes care of my schools and what outlooks to show people probably that she takes care of her children well. But does she care sometimes what I feel? Some of my friends have a chance of a “girl” talk with their mom. But my mom would just ignore the stuff I say to have a girl talk and move it on to another topic for my outlooks or she’s tired of everything for me that I should blablabla. I know what I’m responsible of. I’m mature enough. But couldn’t I just have a little more attention and freedom I could have as a teenager? Couldn’t she listen to what I wanna say at times? Couldn’t she look at me like a girl? Sometimes I regret having siblings, especially younger ones. I want to have older siblings. I just want someone to relate to. I love my baby brother. But my second brother is like a jerk. Other siblings can get cooperated with. But him, he’s just an ass. He always get the attention from my mom. He’s still the one who get spoiled the most. Even because of him, my baby brother couldn’t get his baby love times the best it can from my mom. He gets all the attention. He’s the one my mom care the most probably. She cares what he feels, what he do, where he is, how he is doing, even when he did something bad, she’s gonna forgive him in a day at the most!
But with me it can be forever. Even she can act harsh with my baby brother. She complains to me whenever she’s annoyed with my baby brother and how tired she is with him and how dad is unfair about it with my baby brother stuff but I LISTEN to her. When I feel like screaming “WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ANOTHER BABY THEN?!” haven’t I’ve been a good daughter?
I gave them good grades, I do everything they tell me to before, I obey them, but they never care. When I’m annoyed and not obey them and pissed at them, they’re gonna be like “you’ll see, I’m not gonna take care of you and blablabla…”
They don’t even give me privacy! They don’t let me lock my room. When my friends can do it. I don’t know what’s the problem seriously. Knocking isn’t such a big deal. And when I read novels or go to my laptop, she’ll be like “what are you doing? Just come here and take care of your brother” my friends’ mom barely do that, they’re cool. Instead my mom always tell my second brother to read or type, but he never does it cuz all he do is being like a dimwit and play. Though she knows I like to do the stuff my younger second bro doesn’t like to do, she always tell me to stop and help her take care of my baby bro or clean this that and blablabla. She always think everything I do is pointless. Maybe some people are right, “sometimes mothers act cooler to other’s child than to theirs”
I’ve always told that I’m the first child and that I should be mature and get lose with my younger brothers and give them what they want. But my second brother doesn’t do that with my baby brother and mom is fine with it at times. She just shout at him and that’s it even though my baby bro cried when he did that. But when I do that to my second bro, she’s gonna give me a bunch of craps and won’t talk to me for a week or something.
Mom only relate to me if she wants something or on girl stuff. Like shopping or if she needs money when she doesn’t have it or if she wants something from dad. She always uses my name whenever she wants things from my dad too at times, like, nisa wants to buy this and this, when she’s the one who want it.
I never tried again or even talk to mom or dad about the things, the private things, happening in my life that they don’t know. Sometimes I can’t relate with other moms better. They even listen to my stories. Mom wouldn’t even bother. She’ll be like ‘take care of your brother, I’m tired’ or ‘clean this up, that up, or ‘you’re so fat or you’re face is dirty again, do you ever use the stuff I bought and blabla…’ or ‘be like this, that, him, her, they’re blablabla’. So why should I even bother start to talk to her about my stuff if all her opinion will all lead to those things. My friends’ mom would be like “oh really?” n “why?” n “so how did it go?” n “what happen next?” at least try to have fun. All my mom do is like clean this that, need to do this that, everything needs to be done and that that, she’s the one who’s tiring herself. No one tells her to clean this up and that up. She’s the one who looks for things to do or jobs at her free time when everything is fine sometimes.
I only have free times when my baby bro is asleep or stuff but mom would still give me stuff to do when that’s my free time. Cuz it doesn’t matter day or night, I’ll have to take care of my baby bro and then she’s gonna keep me to take care of him cuz “she’s tired after the day”
Sometimes I even think that my baby bro is not so close with my mom after all, since all he needs her is to drink from her milk, that’s it. But if not, he’ll be fine without her, even I think my mom doesn’t know him as well as me, who’s like mostly with him everyday. I just couldn’t understand mom, cuz I don’t know what’s her age but she always complain “tireeedd” all the time when what she does every day is not so hard. Some older people do harder stuff but they don’t complain. I think none of my parents could get me bcoz none of them have ever felt being the first child. Mom is the last and dad is the second, although sometimes dad knows stuff I hate and that I must’ve be annoyed, but none of them will really know how I feel. Mom couldn’t even appreciate what I do or even compliment me. Dad doesn’t even get what a girl wants really. He always acts all annoying and stuff at times to my brothers or me, which isn’t funny cuz it’ll only cause troubles. Sometimes I want to run away. I feel like, I’m just a burden in this family. My parents, especially my mom: Every time they did something for me, it’ll end up sounds like a burden or something regretful. Which makes me feel like crap if I’ve done something that I know, won’t make them proud. And I know they want me to have a good life and future, but sometimes they should loosen up a bit, especially my mom, she’s always serious with me. It’s annoying. When my dad is all goofy with me when it’s not even cool. I want to have a good family time and night together, but it mostly end up with fights and annoyance either from my dad or brothers. It’s annoying. That’s why whenever we’re gonna go to theme parks or stuff, my mom would invite her older sister’s children which is my cousins. Which is really not a family night. I’m so jealous looking at pictures of my friends with their family going to another country or somewhere and have so much fun. That can never happen with my family. So instead of going with them, I’ll rather just go with my friends or cousins.
Right now I feel like a dumbass, cuz I just cried. I cried over this. Cuz my mom is being a bitch at me and everyone in this whole family are assholes except my baby brother. I feel sorry for my baby bro at times cuz he’s all innocent. Anyways I shouldn’t cry, cuz I’m strong. Some people have worse situation than I am, so I should be strong and tough.
I just wish like at this kind of times, there is someone I can talk to. Usually I talk it over with my close friends but they’re not here now. So I should just cheer up. Whatever happens…Who cares. I don’t care if they’re gonna hate me. I sometimes wonder what would they do if I die? Would they still care? But whatever, I’m strong. I shouldn’t cry. Get over this. Just be myself. They’re also just human. So be strong.
I’m a big girl and I’m mature. I can handle everything. Just keep smiling.
Just they wait and see. I’m gonna be a successful person in the future and I’m gonna prove em that it’s not because of them. It’s because of my hard work. It’s not my fault that they’re having probs with my school stuff here before. It’s all bcoz of dad’s fault, but they always put the burden on me. they’re gonna be like “for u…we did this that this that,…for u…we blablabla….”
If dad could just stay for another three fuckin months, it won’t be so damning hard. But why should I always have to hear the crap and get the blame, when none of them wants to ever listen to me. cuz they will always change the damning subject. Yep.
I really do need extra patience living this life. Just prove em wrong nisa. They never help you with any of your work before and you cope with good grades. SO let them be busy with what they’re doing. Don’t let their words make you feel like a fuckin loser. Cuz you’re not. Prove em that their ways of trying to raise children aren’t always right. They always comment on how wrong some parents treat their children and sometimes they know other children’s feelings better than their own. So let them be. Just wait and see. I don’t care if I’m gonna make em proud or not cuz they’re never proud of what I get, they’re always “be better than him, her, or blabla…”. I’m gonna make myself proud.
p.s. : I know I may sound over sentiment or whatever you wanna say but if you’re in my position, you’re gonna feel how annoying and fucking unfair it is. Especially if your younger bro always want to get you in trouble. It’s such a piss off. I wonder if I were a guy…my parents would be so nice to me probably whether I’m the first or the last. But whatever…I’m tired. Just ignore those unimportant hisses. I have my own freedom too. Just be yourself. I don’t wanna regret or ruin my once in a lifetime teenage life and I’m not gonna let them ruin it either, cuz it’s MY life. They had theirs, now it’s mine. They should just stop thinking about their past life and compare it to now and boss me around. They had their chance I don’t care whatever they did. Whether they ruin it or what but now it’s my chance. Let me do whatever I want to do, they can just give me advice, but if I did the wrong thing, I think it’ll be okay cuz I should learn from my mistakes but I wouldn’t regret it either. It’s funny though, they thought me going to a normal school instead of wanting to go to a boarding school is because I want to stay with family, with them. But it’s so wrong. It’s because I wanna go to the malls, party, check out guys, have fun…meet my friends…and can study with friends and experience something new. I actually like the thought of boarding, getting away from your parents and annoying pesty brothers, but I thought again, once I go to school, I’m gonna be busy and I won’t see em much anyway. So just be patient nisa. Patience is the key to success. Yep. I know it seems like my life sucks. But it is what it is. I’m sorry if it’s so not interesting to you, but I don’t know where else to get it out. So sorry once again. I’m such a loser.
Nothing much...
I am really bored. I can't wait until the next 3 days, i'm gonna be so busy with parties and stuff. Aghh..it's gonna be awesome. Cuz right now, my house is like empty and quiet. I'm alone with my baby bro, cuz my mom and other bro went somewhere, and my dad is in east java til i dunno when, and i dunno what to do. So i end up here and facebook.
Haha anyway, so omg, facebook is getting sooo...full. Like almost everyone any age and anytime from anywhere are like there. Though sometimes it's kinda pointless except you can see your friends, but sometimes it's fun. It's amazing how people find fun like that :P but well for some, it's different.
But anyway i'm just givin an update of my booooriiiinngggg life. From my previous posts you might think that i have no life, yeah? well it's like it, cuz i'm like so bored. So w/e. Let's just chill. :))
Haha anyway, so omg, facebook is getting sooo...full. Like almost everyone any age and anytime from anywhere are like there. Though sometimes it's kinda pointless except you can see your friends, but sometimes it's fun. It's amazing how people find fun like that :P but well for some, it's different.
But anyway i'm just givin an update of my booooriiiinngggg life. From my previous posts you might think that i have no life, yeah? well it's like it, cuz i'm like so bored. So w/e. Let's just chill. :))
Life and Death
God creates everything we use, we do, we have, we own, we make and everything involves us. God creates our life. The life we’re living. God gave us the emotions, the failures, the gifts, the talents, the problems, the challenges and the things happening around us. God gave us the freedom to live the life he gave us, up to our own way. Some of us can appreciate it and use this one of a lifetime chance of living the best they can and some of us can just blow it of with suicides and stupid things. But when the time comes—when God really wants us to leave this world—nothing can hinder. We can’t run away or hide. All we can do is be thankful for the one chance of the life you were given and look at the memories. Maybe it all won’t be awesome and happy memories. There are always obstacles in everyone’s life that includes pain, sufferings, and patience. But all this painful and sorrowful memories are sometimes how God probably want us to learn and be a stronger and greater person. We all should just look at it as a test from God that we should handle. Everyone has different problems they have to handle and some of us would think why does God give them such a cruel life? You can lose your beloved one, you can lose your property, you can even lose everything that you think dying is even better.
But there is more to life than that. Sometimes us humans can’t just get enough and be thankful what they have. They complain, they whine, they envy, they steal, they kill, they want to be the center everything and they want lots of things. We always want the thing that we don’t have and sometimes can’t have. Sometimes God gave us even a very lifetime punish which is regrets and choices. Every human have that. We never know what can happen in our very own life. But the most painful thing in this world for us is mostly losing the one you love. But the important thing is to just look at it as ‘the time’, because in this life, no one can live forever. God creates us and we will return to him at our own ‘time’. We will return to God as our creator. Peoples ‘time’ differ, some can die when they’re babies, or from a painful, heartbreaking sickness or a shocking, sorrowful accident. We never know what God have for us in each of our future. So make your life the best of it.
Okay looking what I wrote above are giving me chills. I don’t why I decide to write those, well I do but it kinda squeeze my heart and tear me up. I don’t know why. I know I’m a very sentimental person and I wrote this because of some of my relatives relative are dying from such a very saddening disease and other. Although I don’t know them or maybe I do, but it might be better for them to die at their very old age than live through such a painful life with that disease. Though they might be the ones we love but we must let them go if it might be best for them than to let them suffer in their life and think of it as misery than giving them and letting them have the best lifetime memory. But anyway all I want to say is…maybe I don’t know these people but Uncles from my uncle’s brother or sister or anyone that I still can call a relative that just passed away lately. I wish you all go to heaven and will rest in peace.
Everyone will miss you all and is sad losing you all. Everyone you know are sending their prayers for all of you and let peace spread upon you all. We all hope you are all will be put in heaven. God the forgiving, the creator, the owner of everything he made and the greatest will want to give the best for his human beings. Amien.
But there is more to life than that. Sometimes us humans can’t just get enough and be thankful what they have. They complain, they whine, they envy, they steal, they kill, they want to be the center everything and they want lots of things. We always want the thing that we don’t have and sometimes can’t have. Sometimes God gave us even a very lifetime punish which is regrets and choices. Every human have that. We never know what can happen in our very own life. But the most painful thing in this world for us is mostly losing the one you love. But the important thing is to just look at it as ‘the time’, because in this life, no one can live forever. God creates us and we will return to him at our own ‘time’. We will return to God as our creator. Peoples ‘time’ differ, some can die when they’re babies, or from a painful, heartbreaking sickness or a shocking, sorrowful accident. We never know what God have for us in each of our future. So make your life the best of it.
Okay looking what I wrote above are giving me chills. I don’t why I decide to write those, well I do but it kinda squeeze my heart and tear me up. I don’t know why. I know I’m a very sentimental person and I wrote this because of some of my relatives relative are dying from such a very saddening disease and other. Although I don’t know them or maybe I do, but it might be better for them to die at their very old age than live through such a painful life with that disease. Though they might be the ones we love but we must let them go if it might be best for them than to let them suffer in their life and think of it as misery than giving them and letting them have the best lifetime memory. But anyway all I want to say is…maybe I don’t know these people but Uncles from my uncle’s brother or sister or anyone that I still can call a relative that just passed away lately. I wish you all go to heaven and will rest in peace.
Everyone will miss you all and is sad losing you all. Everyone you know are sending their prayers for all of you and let peace spread upon you all. We all hope you are all will be put in heaven. God the forgiving, the creator, the owner of everything he made and the greatest will want to give the best for his human beings. Amien.
.NOW.
Now. Right now. What I’m thinking right now. Lezze…hmm…you know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking about the short holiday they have in an Indonesian school. It’s like you go to school a perfect year. Huuuhh. I wonder how I’m gonna cope. Bwek. :?
Although there are a lot of these days where they call it the “Red days” it’s like an off day but they have lots of it so…it helps. I think I’m gonna be humiliated at times. Huuuhhh. What a tough life. New Place. New friends. New School. New…I dunno…but it’s all out there.
But I will be the same. I’ll be neutral like I always am. I don’t want to be involved in other people’s business that I’m not suppose to interfere and stuff…
Hmmm…I can’t wait to chill and go somewhere…
Although there are a lot of these days where they call it the “Red days” it’s like an off day but they have lots of it so…it helps. I think I’m gonna be humiliated at times. Huuuhhh. What a tough life. New Place. New friends. New School. New…I dunno…but it’s all out there.
But I will be the same. I’ll be neutral like I always am. I don’t want to be involved in other people’s business that I’m not suppose to interfere and stuff…
Hmmm…I can’t wait to chill and go somewhere…
PLANS
In a week I’m gonna go to a cousin’s house and we’re gonna shop till drop’ baby =P hoho…we’re gonna refresh our eyes and brains. I can’t wait for it. And heii…don’t forget lookin’ out for hotties…yeehaaa…well I get to know some and they’re really cute and sweet….
Wahaha…but I’m gonna stick to my words and I’m gonna do that. I got this quote from my friend who got it from one of PCD’s song…
“I don’t wanna fall in love…just wanna have a little fun.”
=P like that. I personally don’t really like relationship but then at one time, I really have to commit to a real one. I mean what I don’t like about it is, the word “relationship” really sounds official. When I’m the type of person who likes to be friends but then can be more but without an official state. An open relationship maybe. Cuz’ being in a relationship is complex at times. Sometimes it’s a heartbreaker, sometimes it’s jealousy and sometimes its trust probs. I’m sure you guys have felt it too and it sucks.
So sometimes it’s complex. Nothing is in this world or life is easy. It’s a matter of losing and winning. So just cope with it. But anyway the plan is shopping then goin to the movie, checkin out guys, hang out, have some peaceful moment…like maskering and stuff.
Waaa…I just can’t believe the past 4 months I’ve been here. In Indonesia. All I’ve had is like busy weeks for school stuff and some other shit and craps. So I just can’t wait after next week get-aways. Hehe. Lots of cool plans.
I’m looking forward to meet my gang too…and you know who you are. I MISS YOU GUYSSS….sooo much! Love you tons! We’re gonna have a reunion fo sho =D
I can’t really trust anyone yet except them. They are one of the people that can bring out the best in me =)
So that’s one of the plans too. Also sleepovers. Hang out with them. And then in the middle of july I’m gonna have to head back with school stuff. Which sucks. But look at the bright side; it’s for my future, right?
So I shouldn’t whine or complain. It’s a new experience. A new life at a new place. I never know what can be out there for me. So…cheer up up up… ^__^
Aza aza…FIGHTING! Hehe. (Know where I got that, guys? Ofc you do… XD)
;)
Wahaha…but I’m gonna stick to my words and I’m gonna do that. I got this quote from my friend who got it from one of PCD’s song…
“I don’t wanna fall in love…just wanna have a little fun.”
=P like that. I personally don’t really like relationship but then at one time, I really have to commit to a real one. I mean what I don’t like about it is, the word “relationship” really sounds official. When I’m the type of person who likes to be friends but then can be more but without an official state. An open relationship maybe. Cuz’ being in a relationship is complex at times. Sometimes it’s a heartbreaker, sometimes it’s jealousy and sometimes its trust probs. I’m sure you guys have felt it too and it sucks.
So sometimes it’s complex. Nothing is in this world or life is easy. It’s a matter of losing and winning. So just cope with it. But anyway the plan is shopping then goin to the movie, checkin out guys, hang out, have some peaceful moment…like maskering and stuff.
Waaa…I just can’t believe the past 4 months I’ve been here. In Indonesia. All I’ve had is like busy weeks for school stuff and some other shit and craps. So I just can’t wait after next week get-aways. Hehe. Lots of cool plans.
I’m looking forward to meet my gang too…and you know who you are. I MISS YOU GUYSSS….sooo much! Love you tons! We’re gonna have a reunion fo sho =D
I can’t really trust anyone yet except them. They are one of the people that can bring out the best in me =)
So that’s one of the plans too. Also sleepovers. Hang out with them. And then in the middle of july I’m gonna have to head back with school stuff. Which sucks. But look at the bright side; it’s for my future, right?
So I shouldn’t whine or complain. It’s a new experience. A new life at a new place. I never know what can be out there for me. So…cheer up up up… ^__^
Aza aza…FIGHTING! Hehe. (Know where I got that, guys? Ofc you do… XD)
;)
I thought…
I thought I met the right person…
The right person who fits my ideal guy…
A person that’s different than any guy I’ve met…
A person that I can count on…
A person I can share with…
A person. Who is a guy that I can trust with…
…But all those thoughts are wrong.
He was just the same as others. Nothing special. Nothing surprising.
Cuz’ after all, he’s also just human. I sometime want to think of him as a heartbreaker. But I have no right to. People have different emotions and feelings, and they have the right to show it. So he doesn’t deserve to be called a heartbreaker, cuz’ after all I was the one who is mostly wrong. Why did I even fall for him? Why did I even fell for his acts? I shouldn’t have got my hopes to high, when I know being friends was enough.
I am just a human. A hopeless, useless and egotistical human. I just can’t seem to get anything right. I made mistakes. I’m not always the winner. I’m imperfect. I’m way far off from the word ‘perfect’. I shouldn’t even look at him that way because I know he looks at me differently. I want to blame myself for being so self-centered. I feel like a fuckin bitch. But as I said before, I’m way off from perfect. I am imperfect.
I want to cry but he doesn’t worth the tears. I want to swear but even those words are not enough. I’m a strong person, and I should stay that way. I should always think that I’m actually such a lucky, very lucky person. I have mostly everything I want, while others suffer from something way more serious and important. This is what makes me feel so hopeless. Crying just for a guy, a crush, a boyfriend and things like this is worthless. I feel like I’m so self-centered and I cannot be thankful for what I got. I’m sucha loser.
Although, I think of him as a jerk and her as a brat . I know it’s mean and I have no right to say it but fuck off. I can say what I want okay. I’m just a self-centered, conceited, sentimental person. Or whatever you want to call me. Cuz’ I’m just a fuckin bitch myself.
Actually I don’t even know myself. All that I know is I’m imperfect. I really want to do something I can be proud of and for everyone else I love to be proud of too. But I’m just a piece of shit, if just at these kinds of things…I’m complaining and giving total crap and being such an ass about it too.
I shouldn’t cry. I’m strong. I’m independent. I can forget him because he’s nothing special and I’m nothing special for him either. So I should start to focus and just look at the bright side.
Like…look at it this way. I learned a lot of things.
First, don’t fall for someone easily.
Second, words can be full of lies.
Three, fate doesn’t come so obviously.
Four, true love is just fake.
Five, everyone always have a bad side in them.
Just take it for experience and needs to be careful for later on. For now, I wanna commit to something right. I want to focus on my school things first and no boyfriend-shit/crushes. And I really want to take it seriously. I don’t wanna be like just all talk. I don’t want to just say and write it but I really want to do it. After all “boyfriend/crushes” are not the most important thing in life and the same thing for guys thinks about “girlfriends/crushes” prolly. But I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as I’m happy and I have great friends. I just want to commit on something right and really success with it. I don’t want to be some ruined unsuccessful person. I want to be a great person, whom everyone can be proud of. Even myself.
I wanna show that I can be a person that can commit to something. Not like some people, who said things that they totally ignore later on.
But before I kept on going on…I want to say sorry if I wrote lots of swearing words and this prolly bore you guys off and I’m truly very sorry, cuz’ I don’t really know where to let it out and I don’t know what I’m really feeling. It’s all just jumble up and all of these things are just said out of mind. I’m not really thinking clearly lately. So I’m sorry.
But I just want to share this quote I made, to you guys…
“You’re the wind and I’m the air. So I won’t suffocate when you’re not mine.”
I made this quote and I always kept it on my head. Somehow it cheers me up and clear my mind for a bit. This always makes me think that he’s not always mine. He’s not my property, nor is he my belonging. He’s a person just like me. So I shouldn’t bitch around anymore. I feel so sorry for this blog. It’s like a place where I kept turning on when I have probs. Hufh.
I truly am very sorry for the things that I wrote if it makes you readers uncomfortable. I’m apologizing on my disrespectful behalf.
But when I’m thinking over it again, I don’t really feel sad or depressed. It’s more like annoyed. So maybe he’s just a “passers” for me. It’s not true love. True love is not always obvious. It’s just puppy love. So I’m ready to let go. Although as you must’ve heard… “Letting go of someone is harder than falling for someone”
And one more thing… “I’ll rather sleep dreamless than dream about you” know that one? I made that and it’s true, rather than dreaming and wondering about that jerk. I have better things to do and to think. Seeing him again is so sickening. But I don’t care what he’s gonna do anymore. Whatever happens I don’t care. It’s time for me to just say ta-ta to him and her, cuz’ they’re just nothing but a friend. Not even a close one. And I dunno anything about them and who did what and how it starts so all I can do is just be happy for him and her. So congrats. It’s from the heart too…I’m sure I can let go. I’m not the revengeful kinda person. =)
Now…I think I’m outta words. I say…I should chill. Wahaha. Nah. Know what? There are still a buncha guys out there. Maybe even hotter ones. Which is true. =_= see why I feel so annoyed with myself. The things I wrote above is just to get anger out of my head cuz’ I’m annoyed. I’m not broken hearted or anything. I’m just annoyed and pissed at myself.
Hufh…I wanna get away for a moment and just leave this place and this state of position. I wanna get loose and free. Why do I have to let this happen again? Huft.
But I know I’m different. I’m not gonna waste my time just thinking about this, there are still a bunch of other things to do. So get over it and let’s have some fun! =)
The right person who fits my ideal guy…
A person that’s different than any guy I’ve met…
A person that I can count on…
A person I can share with…
A person. Who is a guy that I can trust with…
…But all those thoughts are wrong.
He was just the same as others. Nothing special. Nothing surprising.
Cuz’ after all, he’s also just human. I sometime want to think of him as a heartbreaker. But I have no right to. People have different emotions and feelings, and they have the right to show it. So he doesn’t deserve to be called a heartbreaker, cuz’ after all I was the one who is mostly wrong. Why did I even fall for him? Why did I even fell for his acts? I shouldn’t have got my hopes to high, when I know being friends was enough.
I am just a human. A hopeless, useless and egotistical human. I just can’t seem to get anything right. I made mistakes. I’m not always the winner. I’m imperfect. I’m way far off from the word ‘perfect’. I shouldn’t even look at him that way because I know he looks at me differently. I want to blame myself for being so self-centered. I feel like a fuckin bitch. But as I said before, I’m way off from perfect. I am imperfect.
I want to cry but he doesn’t worth the tears. I want to swear but even those words are not enough. I’m a strong person, and I should stay that way. I should always think that I’m actually such a lucky, very lucky person. I have mostly everything I want, while others suffer from something way more serious and important. This is what makes me feel so hopeless. Crying just for a guy, a crush, a boyfriend and things like this is worthless. I feel like I’m so self-centered and I cannot be thankful for what I got. I’m sucha loser.
Although, I think of him as a jerk and her as a brat . I know it’s mean and I have no right to say it but fuck off. I can say what I want okay. I’m just a self-centered, conceited, sentimental person. Or whatever you want to call me. Cuz’ I’m just a fuckin bitch myself.
Actually I don’t even know myself. All that I know is I’m imperfect. I really want to do something I can be proud of and for everyone else I love to be proud of too. But I’m just a piece of shit, if just at these kinds of things…I’m complaining and giving total crap and being such an ass about it too.
I shouldn’t cry. I’m strong. I’m independent. I can forget him because he’s nothing special and I’m nothing special for him either. So I should start to focus and just look at the bright side.
Like…look at it this way. I learned a lot of things.
First, don’t fall for someone easily.
Second, words can be full of lies.
Three, fate doesn’t come so obviously.
Four, true love is just fake.
Five, everyone always have a bad side in them.
Just take it for experience and needs to be careful for later on. For now, I wanna commit to something right. I want to focus on my school things first and no boyfriend-shit/crushes. And I really want to take it seriously. I don’t wanna be like just all talk. I don’t want to just say and write it but I really want to do it. After all “boyfriend/crushes” are not the most important thing in life and the same thing for guys thinks about “girlfriends/crushes” prolly. But I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as I’m happy and I have great friends. I just want to commit on something right and really success with it. I don’t want to be some ruined unsuccessful person. I want to be a great person, whom everyone can be proud of. Even myself.
I wanna show that I can be a person that can commit to something. Not like some people, who said things that they totally ignore later on.
But before I kept on going on…I want to say sorry if I wrote lots of swearing words and this prolly bore you guys off and I’m truly very sorry, cuz’ I don’t really know where to let it out and I don’t know what I’m really feeling. It’s all just jumble up and all of these things are just said out of mind. I’m not really thinking clearly lately. So I’m sorry.
But I just want to share this quote I made, to you guys…
“You’re the wind and I’m the air. So I won’t suffocate when you’re not mine.”
I made this quote and I always kept it on my head. Somehow it cheers me up and clear my mind for a bit. This always makes me think that he’s not always mine. He’s not my property, nor is he my belonging. He’s a person just like me. So I shouldn’t bitch around anymore. I feel so sorry for this blog. It’s like a place where I kept turning on when I have probs. Hufh.
I truly am very sorry for the things that I wrote if it makes you readers uncomfortable. I’m apologizing on my disrespectful behalf.
But when I’m thinking over it again, I don’t really feel sad or depressed. It’s more like annoyed. So maybe he’s just a “passers” for me. It’s not true love. True love is not always obvious. It’s just puppy love. So I’m ready to let go. Although as you must’ve heard… “Letting go of someone is harder than falling for someone”
And one more thing… “I’ll rather sleep dreamless than dream about you” know that one? I made that and it’s true, rather than dreaming and wondering about that jerk. I have better things to do and to think. Seeing him again is so sickening. But I don’t care what he’s gonna do anymore. Whatever happens I don’t care. It’s time for me to just say ta-ta to him and her, cuz’ they’re just nothing but a friend. Not even a close one. And I dunno anything about them and who did what and how it starts so all I can do is just be happy for him and her. So congrats. It’s from the heart too…I’m sure I can let go. I’m not the revengeful kinda person. =)
Now…I think I’m outta words. I say…I should chill. Wahaha. Nah. Know what? There are still a buncha guys out there. Maybe even hotter ones. Which is true. =_= see why I feel so annoyed with myself. The things I wrote above is just to get anger out of my head cuz’ I’m annoyed. I’m not broken hearted or anything. I’m just annoyed and pissed at myself.
Hufh…I wanna get away for a moment and just leave this place and this state of position. I wanna get loose and free. Why do I have to let this happen again? Huft.
But I know I’m different. I’m not gonna waste my time just thinking about this, there are still a bunch of other things to do. So get over it and let’s have some fun! =)
Before stuff come up…
Wow. I haven’t written here for a long time, it’s like…it’s untaken care of. But anyway there were some probs with my internet and its been like shit to me but so many things happen and I’ve been wanting to write it here. Although I’ve wrote it but then I can’t post it yet until now and it’s actually something unimportant to you, I’m sure but it’s important to me. It’s rather boring, but I just need to get it out someway.
So here are the few posts that’s been on the waiting list…
So here are the few posts that’s been on the waiting list…
Crave...waaah
Oh my God...i just wish like right now, there'll be a buffet for korean foods. AAAAHHHHHH....................i'm craving korean foods right now bcoz of this tv show.....hmmm....yum yum yum yum.
i wish it would come true....but it prolly wouldn't so sabar ajahhh nisss.
but u know what??!? i'm gonna reach out my goal, be succesful and GET WHAT I WANT.!.!
soooo aza aza fighting!!!!!!
Ahhh it's so tempting and so hungry..! but i only want korean foods...! i want spicy ones that can burn in your mouth and that'll beat the hotness of today's sunlight...wahhhh.....i seriously am craving it. huft.
i wish it would come true....but it prolly wouldn't so sabar ajahhh nisss.
but u know what??!? i'm gonna reach out my goal, be succesful and GET WHAT I WANT.!.!
soooo aza aza fighting!!!!!!
Ahhh it's so tempting and so hungry..! but i only want korean foods...! i want spicy ones that can burn in your mouth and that'll beat the hotness of today's sunlight...wahhhh.....i seriously am craving it. huft.
Cylindrical?
Whatever. Right now, i'm feeling so dizzy. Ugh. It's so not cool. I hate it. My eyes are a little bit cylindrical or i don't know now, but it's so annoying. Whenever i switch places from dark to light, i'll get dizzy and everything will switch color and i'll see lots of dots and flying stuff from my eyes. It's freaky.
I almost fell. Hwaaa...and my head is dizzy. But i don't want to drink carrot juice. i hate it. Just telling you one thing guys, don't ever get cylindrical eyes. It sucx like hell...
I almost fell. Hwaaa...and my head is dizzy. But i don't want to drink carrot juice. i hate it. Just telling you one thing guys, don't ever get cylindrical eyes. It sucx like hell...
A Little...twinkle twinkle... XD
OMG...i just did something HILARIOUS. I know this sounds mean but i made my baby bro cry. HAHAAH. IT's sooo funi...it's hilarious how he cries.
So i was singing "twinkle, twinkle little stars" to him so he will sleep. But u know what happen??!? INstead of sleeping, he was CRYING. it's HILARIOUS. So i kept annoying him by singing twinkle twinkle little stars so he kept on crying. HAHAHA.
It's so irresistable though. It's so funny how he cries. His lips are going to pout first, then tremble then totally CRIES! It's so funny if you see the whole process.
I guess my voice makes him SAD =D hahah. I'm a cruel sister. But heii...can't a sister have a lil bit of fun? ehehehehe.
Happy on someone's misery. hahaha.
So i was singing "twinkle, twinkle little stars" to him so he will sleep. But u know what happen??!? INstead of sleeping, he was CRYING. it's HILARIOUS. So i kept annoying him by singing twinkle twinkle little stars so he kept on crying. HAHAHA.
It's so irresistable though. It's so funny how he cries. His lips are going to pout first, then tremble then totally CRIES! It's so funny if you see the whole process.
I guess my voice makes him SAD =D hahah. I'm a cruel sister. But heii...can't a sister have a lil bit of fun? ehehehehe.
Happy on someone's misery. hahaha.
Happy, annoyed, dissapointed...it's all jumbled up.
Right now...i don't know what's on my mind or what i'm feeling bcoz all of it are jumbled up. It's like everything is a spazz but i'm not spazzing.
First of all, today...i was kind of dissapointed, actually. I just realised it now. I was dissapointed that i didn't see the person who i want to see. But it was healed. =) I saw others that can cheer me up.
Secondly...i'm annoyed. I just remember today was like kind of embarassing. No one can really say my middle name right and it's annoying. Although,..it makes me feel special... =D hehehe. I mean it's not hard or anything.
And now, i'm happy randomly. XD hahaha see...my mind and feelings are being capricious. I feel so stupid, i thought about lots of stuff to write but then when i see the page, i totaly lose em. It's like blank.
Anyways i'm just wondering what i reaaaalllyyy should do that's actualy useful.
But ooohhhh.....i saw this raaannndom guyy at this place..and he looks manly buut he sounds so fuckinly GAY. IT's freakyyy....
....my thoughts were like .... "whoaaaa.....holy shit, is he gaaayy?" cuz he certainly act like a gay person.
AND NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WANT TO SAY! SO okay...I'm gonna be in HIGH SCHOOL, like HIGH SCHOOL!!! can u believe it? yes. :P
hahaha. so lame.
but yea....high school makes me sound SOOO friggin OLD. I mean i may be a high schoolers but i don't think i act like one XD hehehe.
Maybe i can think like one but don't really act like one. HAha.
I wish i can cope with these stuff. Indo sounds scary. Hahaha. I don't know why, i'm excited but nervous. And it's also SO different from my old school in Saudi.
THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY fuckin RULES! it's blegghhh...even some useless ones. Gee...
i am one bad student. Hahaha. But i'll adapt, i mean it won't be totally useless right? Right. Just have to cope with it cuz this is why they call this...LIFE.
Hahaha. I'm being weird right now. maybeee...I don't know.
Did i tell you i'm gonna watch the korena drama??? OFC. hehehe. It's tonite. hahah i can't waaaittt. I'm pretty excited to watch it again. Hahaha. what a suck up.
I thinnnkkk i sweared kind of a lot. I don't know. But forgive me, this is only happens when i'm high. Not always but mostly. Hehe.
First of all, today...i was kind of dissapointed, actually. I just realised it now. I was dissapointed that i didn't see the person who i want to see. But it was healed. =) I saw others that can cheer me up.
Secondly...i'm annoyed. I just remember today was like kind of embarassing. No one can really say my middle name right and it's annoying. Although,..it makes me feel special... =D hehehe. I mean it's not hard or anything.
And now, i'm happy randomly. XD hahaha see...my mind and feelings are being capricious. I feel so stupid, i thought about lots of stuff to write but then when i see the page, i totaly lose em. It's like blank.
Anyways i'm just wondering what i reaaaalllyyy should do that's actualy useful.
But ooohhhh.....i saw this raaannndom guyy at this place..and he looks manly buut he sounds so fuckinly GAY. IT's freakyyy....
....my thoughts were like .... "whoaaaa.....holy shit, is he gaaayy?" cuz he certainly act like a gay person.
AND NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WANT TO SAY! SO okay...I'm gonna be in HIGH SCHOOL, like HIGH SCHOOL!!! can u believe it? yes. :P
hahaha. so lame.
but yea....high school makes me sound SOOO friggin OLD. I mean i may be a high schoolers but i don't think i act like one XD hehehe.
Maybe i can think like one but don't really act like one. HAha.
I wish i can cope with these stuff. Indo sounds scary. Hahaha. I don't know why, i'm excited but nervous. And it's also SO different from my old school in Saudi.
THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY fuckin RULES! it's blegghhh...even some useless ones. Gee...
i am one bad student. Hahaha. But i'll adapt, i mean it won't be totally useless right? Right. Just have to cope with it cuz this is why they call this...LIFE.
Hahaha. I'm being weird right now. maybeee...I don't know.
Did i tell you i'm gonna watch the korena drama??? OFC. hehehe. It's tonite. hahah i can't waaaittt. I'm pretty excited to watch it again. Hahaha. what a suck up.
I thinnnkkk i sweared kind of a lot. I don't know. But forgive me, this is only happens when i'm high. Not always but mostly. Hehe.
Poem of the day...
Mirror
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
This is a poem by Sylvia Plath who's poem i have to analyze as one of my project for language art honors, before i moved to Indo. It brings sucha memories =( it's sad. I miss those guys so much.
I still remember how my friends were all like "Anisa, you will choose a poet that has sucha heart breaking, lovey dovey, suicidal hard poemsss" XD and its trueee.....i chose sylvia plath. Haha. SHe's a poet who get into suicide bcoz of depression. Yes. people. DEPRESSION.
Life can be so scary at times. Some people want to have a long life but some want to end it really fast. It's kind of scary but i love her poems. They have really cool meanings although for some, i didn't even get it. HAha. I still even remember Mr.B was like... "suuureee you can have her"
then.... neha, iman and malek who also have to analyze my paper was like O.o "wowww.....if it's not lovey dovey, nisa choose suicidal ones" HAHAHA. well i prove them wrong that i'm not all lovey dovey.
But anyway i love that poem called "Mirror", i love every words describing it. It's so cool.....haaahhh.....sweet memories.
I MISS MY JUBAILIESSS <3
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
This is a poem by Sylvia Plath who's poem i have to analyze as one of my project for language art honors, before i moved to Indo. It brings sucha memories =( it's sad. I miss those guys so much.
I still remember how my friends were all like "Anisa, you will choose a poet that has sucha heart breaking, lovey dovey, suicidal hard poemsss" XD and its trueee.....i chose sylvia plath. Haha. SHe's a poet who get into suicide bcoz of depression. Yes. people. DEPRESSION.
Life can be so scary at times. Some people want to have a long life but some want to end it really fast. It's kind of scary but i love her poems. They have really cool meanings although for some, i didn't even get it. HAha. I still even remember Mr.B was like... "suuureee you can have her"
then.... neha, iman and malek who also have to analyze my paper was like O.o "wowww.....if it's not lovey dovey, nisa choose suicidal ones" HAHAHA. well i prove them wrong that i'm not all lovey dovey.
But anyway i love that poem called "Mirror", i love every words describing it. It's so cool.....haaahhh.....sweet memories.
I MISS MY JUBAILIESSS <3
Langganan:
Postingan (Atom)
Agggghhh
OMGGG.............i'm so stressed out. Do any of you guys know how to prevent hair falling??? Aghhh cuz my hair is sooo thinnn....what should i do??? bugh.
At bekasi...
So today afternoon i went to bekasi cuz tomorrow one of my cousin's gettin engaged. YES! Engaged :P I'm excited for her. :) I hope everything went well. Then i'm gonna stay for a few more days and do stuff....my plans :)
But now...i'm just tryin to chill....haha...can't wait for the food tomorrow. Now my diet is really over :| hufhh,,,
Now i wanna say something but i really forgot...i'm bored. my cousins are like sending musics and stuff and i'm likee i dunnoooo...
OH yeahhh...MOSQUITOSS....aghhh this is why i hate indo. there are soo many mosquitos....i hate it. =.= hwaaaaa.....go away SHOOOSHOOO....haha
Anyways i can't wait meeting point.4.four :)) MIss uuu guysss so much. Let's have the reunion soon lovies...mwa mwa.
But now...i'm just tryin to chill....haha...can't wait for the food tomorrow. Now my diet is really over :| hufhh,,,
Now i wanna say something but i really forgot...i'm bored. my cousins are like sending musics and stuff and i'm likee i dunnoooo...
OH yeahhh...MOSQUITOSS....aghhh this is why i hate indo. there are soo many mosquitos....i hate it. =.= hwaaaaa.....go away SHOOOSHOOO....haha
Anyways i can't wait meeting point.4.four :)) MIss uuu guysss so much. Let's have the reunion soon lovies...mwa mwa.
I wish…I envy… T_T
Have you guys ever felt that one of your parents is being unfair to you? Especially how they treat you between your brothers or sisters. I’m in that case right now and I just want to run out of this fuckin dumb house. My mom is being like crappy to me and my brother is being like an asshole. I just feel like bitching this house. I fuckin hate this. I hate listening to these shits I don’t need to hear. I’m not some kind of maid. I just wished mom could just listen to what I feel and relate to me like other moms to their daughters. But she just looks at me like a responsible and her doll to be made perfect. Let me say this, have she ever asked me how I feel? Or what I’m up to? Or what’s going on with me? Or why I did this or that? Or why I want to do this or that? She couldn’t even understand me when I need time to be alone. She would bitch at me and give me crap that I don’t wanna hear, without even trying to know what’s the problem.
She doesn’t give me the freedom my friends could have and what they can do with their parents. I envy my friends who can relate to their parents well. I envy their parents who knew them so well and that they actually have the time to “talk” together without any interruptions and be cool with any of it, especially with their mom. I wish I could have that with my mom. But you know what, it’s nothing. It’s never gonna happen. Don’t expect me to be the good daughter to her. I’m never anything to her except a responsible and her helper for my brothers. She only takes care of my schools and what outlooks to show people probably that she takes care of her children well. But does she care sometimes what I feel? Some of my friends have a chance of a “girl” talk with their mom. But my mom would just ignore the stuff I say to have a girl talk and move it on to another topic for my outlooks or she’s tired of everything for me that I should blablabla. I know what I’m responsible of. I’m mature enough. But couldn’t I just have a little more attention and freedom I could have as a teenager? Couldn’t she listen to what I wanna say at times? Couldn’t she look at me like a girl? Sometimes I regret having siblings, especially younger ones. I want to have older siblings. I just want someone to relate to. I love my baby brother. But my second brother is like a jerk. Other siblings can get cooperated with. But him, he’s just an ass. He always get the attention from my mom. He’s still the one who get spoiled the most. Even because of him, my baby brother couldn’t get his baby love times the best it can from my mom. He gets all the attention. He’s the one my mom care the most probably. She cares what he feels, what he do, where he is, how he is doing, even when he did something bad, she’s gonna forgive him in a day at the most!
But with me it can be forever. Even she can act harsh with my baby brother. She complains to me whenever she’s annoyed with my baby brother and how tired she is with him and how dad is unfair about it with my baby brother stuff but I LISTEN to her. When I feel like screaming “WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ANOTHER BABY THEN?!” haven’t I’ve been a good daughter?
I gave them good grades, I do everything they tell me to before, I obey them, but they never care. When I’m annoyed and not obey them and pissed at them, they’re gonna be like “you’ll see, I’m not gonna take care of you and blablabla…”
They don’t even give me privacy! They don’t let me lock my room. When my friends can do it. I don’t know what’s the problem seriously. Knocking isn’t such a big deal. And when I read novels or go to my laptop, she’ll be like “what are you doing? Just come here and take care of your brother” my friends’ mom barely do that, they’re cool. Instead my mom always tell my second brother to read or type, but he never does it cuz all he do is being like a dimwit and play. Though she knows I like to do the stuff my younger second bro doesn’t like to do, she always tell me to stop and help her take care of my baby bro or clean this that and blablabla. She always think everything I do is pointless. Maybe some people are right, “sometimes mothers act cooler to other’s child than to theirs”
I’ve always told that I’m the first child and that I should be mature and get lose with my younger brothers and give them what they want. But my second brother doesn’t do that with my baby brother and mom is fine with it at times. She just shout at him and that’s it even though my baby bro cried when he did that. But when I do that to my second bro, she’s gonna give me a bunch of craps and won’t talk to me for a week or something.
Mom only relate to me if she wants something or on girl stuff. Like shopping or if she needs money when she doesn’t have it or if she wants something from dad. She always uses my name whenever she wants things from my dad too at times, like, nisa wants to buy this and this, when she’s the one who want it.
I never tried again or even talk to mom or dad about the things, the private things, happening in my life that they don’t know. Sometimes I can’t relate with other moms better. They even listen to my stories. Mom wouldn’t even bother. She’ll be like ‘take care of your brother, I’m tired’ or ‘clean this up, that up, or ‘you’re so fat or you’re face is dirty again, do you ever use the stuff I bought and blabla…’ or ‘be like this, that, him, her, they’re blablabla’. So why should I even bother start to talk to her about my stuff if all her opinion will all lead to those things. My friends’ mom would be like “oh really?” n “why?” n “so how did it go?” n “what happen next?” at least try to have fun. All my mom do is like clean this that, need to do this that, everything needs to be done and that that, she’s the one who’s tiring herself. No one tells her to clean this up and that up. She’s the one who looks for things to do or jobs at her free time when everything is fine sometimes.
I only have free times when my baby bro is asleep or stuff but mom would still give me stuff to do when that’s my free time. Cuz it doesn’t matter day or night, I’ll have to take care of my baby bro and then she’s gonna keep me to take care of him cuz “she’s tired after the day”
Sometimes I even think that my baby bro is not so close with my mom after all, since all he needs her is to drink from her milk, that’s it. But if not, he’ll be fine without her, even I think my mom doesn’t know him as well as me, who’s like mostly with him everyday. I just couldn’t understand mom, cuz I don’t know what’s her age but she always complain “tireeedd” all the time when what she does every day is not so hard. Some older people do harder stuff but they don’t complain. I think none of my parents could get me bcoz none of them have ever felt being the first child. Mom is the last and dad is the second, although sometimes dad knows stuff I hate and that I must’ve be annoyed, but none of them will really know how I feel. Mom couldn’t even appreciate what I do or even compliment me. Dad doesn’t even get what a girl wants really. He always acts all annoying and stuff at times to my brothers or me, which isn’t funny cuz it’ll only cause troubles. Sometimes I want to run away. I feel like, I’m just a burden in this family. My parents, especially my mom: Every time they did something for me, it’ll end up sounds like a burden or something regretful. Which makes me feel like crap if I’ve done something that I know, won’t make them proud. And I know they want me to have a good life and future, but sometimes they should loosen up a bit, especially my mom, she’s always serious with me. It’s annoying. When my dad is all goofy with me when it’s not even cool. I want to have a good family time and night together, but it mostly end up with fights and annoyance either from my dad or brothers. It’s annoying. That’s why whenever we’re gonna go to theme parks or stuff, my mom would invite her older sister’s children which is my cousins. Which is really not a family night. I’m so jealous looking at pictures of my friends with their family going to another country or somewhere and have so much fun. That can never happen with my family. So instead of going with them, I’ll rather just go with my friends or cousins.
Right now I feel like a dumbass, cuz I just cried. I cried over this. Cuz my mom is being a bitch at me and everyone in this whole family are assholes except my baby brother. I feel sorry for my baby bro at times cuz he’s all innocent. Anyways I shouldn’t cry, cuz I’m strong. Some people have worse situation than I am, so I should be strong and tough.
I just wish like at this kind of times, there is someone I can talk to. Usually I talk it over with my close friends but they’re not here now. So I should just cheer up. Whatever happens…Who cares. I don’t care if they’re gonna hate me. I sometimes wonder what would they do if I die? Would they still care? But whatever, I’m strong. I shouldn’t cry. Get over this. Just be myself. They’re also just human. So be strong.
I’m a big girl and I’m mature. I can handle everything. Just keep smiling.
Just they wait and see. I’m gonna be a successful person in the future and I’m gonna prove em that it’s not because of them. It’s because of my hard work. It’s not my fault that they’re having probs with my school stuff here before. It’s all bcoz of dad’s fault, but they always put the burden on me. they’re gonna be like “for u…we did this that this that,…for u…we blablabla….”
If dad could just stay for another three fuckin months, it won’t be so damning hard. But why should I always have to hear the crap and get the blame, when none of them wants to ever listen to me. cuz they will always change the damning subject. Yep.
I really do need extra patience living this life. Just prove em wrong nisa. They never help you with any of your work before and you cope with good grades. SO let them be busy with what they’re doing. Don’t let their words make you feel like a fuckin loser. Cuz you’re not. Prove em that their ways of trying to raise children aren’t always right. They always comment on how wrong some parents treat their children and sometimes they know other children’s feelings better than their own. So let them be. Just wait and see. I don’t care if I’m gonna make em proud or not cuz they’re never proud of what I get, they’re always “be better than him, her, or blabla…”. I’m gonna make myself proud.
p.s. : I know I may sound over sentiment or whatever you wanna say but if you’re in my position, you’re gonna feel how annoying and fucking unfair it is. Especially if your younger bro always want to get you in trouble. It’s such a piss off. I wonder if I were a guy…my parents would be so nice to me probably whether I’m the first or the last. But whatever…I’m tired. Just ignore those unimportant hisses. I have my own freedom too. Just be yourself. I don’t wanna regret or ruin my once in a lifetime teenage life and I’m not gonna let them ruin it either, cuz it’s MY life. They had theirs, now it’s mine. They should just stop thinking about their past life and compare it to now and boss me around. They had their chance I don’t care whatever they did. Whether they ruin it or what but now it’s my chance. Let me do whatever I want to do, they can just give me advice, but if I did the wrong thing, I think it’ll be okay cuz I should learn from my mistakes but I wouldn’t regret it either. It’s funny though, they thought me going to a normal school instead of wanting to go to a boarding school is because I want to stay with family, with them. But it’s so wrong. It’s because I wanna go to the malls, party, check out guys, have fun…meet my friends…and can study with friends and experience something new. I actually like the thought of boarding, getting away from your parents and annoying pesty brothers, but I thought again, once I go to school, I’m gonna be busy and I won’t see em much anyway. So just be patient nisa. Patience is the key to success. Yep. I know it seems like my life sucks. But it is what it is. I’m sorry if it’s so not interesting to you, but I don’t know where else to get it out. So sorry once again. I’m such a loser.
She doesn’t give me the freedom my friends could have and what they can do with their parents. I envy my friends who can relate to their parents well. I envy their parents who knew them so well and that they actually have the time to “talk” together without any interruptions and be cool with any of it, especially with their mom. I wish I could have that with my mom. But you know what, it’s nothing. It’s never gonna happen. Don’t expect me to be the good daughter to her. I’m never anything to her except a responsible and her helper for my brothers. She only takes care of my schools and what outlooks to show people probably that she takes care of her children well. But does she care sometimes what I feel? Some of my friends have a chance of a “girl” talk with their mom. But my mom would just ignore the stuff I say to have a girl talk and move it on to another topic for my outlooks or she’s tired of everything for me that I should blablabla. I know what I’m responsible of. I’m mature enough. But couldn’t I just have a little more attention and freedom I could have as a teenager? Couldn’t she listen to what I wanna say at times? Couldn’t she look at me like a girl? Sometimes I regret having siblings, especially younger ones. I want to have older siblings. I just want someone to relate to. I love my baby brother. But my second brother is like a jerk. Other siblings can get cooperated with. But him, he’s just an ass. He always get the attention from my mom. He’s still the one who get spoiled the most. Even because of him, my baby brother couldn’t get his baby love times the best it can from my mom. He gets all the attention. He’s the one my mom care the most probably. She cares what he feels, what he do, where he is, how he is doing, even when he did something bad, she’s gonna forgive him in a day at the most!
But with me it can be forever. Even she can act harsh with my baby brother. She complains to me whenever she’s annoyed with my baby brother and how tired she is with him and how dad is unfair about it with my baby brother stuff but I LISTEN to her. When I feel like screaming “WHY DID YOU EVEN HAVE ANOTHER BABY THEN?!” haven’t I’ve been a good daughter?
I gave them good grades, I do everything they tell me to before, I obey them, but they never care. When I’m annoyed and not obey them and pissed at them, they’re gonna be like “you’ll see, I’m not gonna take care of you and blablabla…”
They don’t even give me privacy! They don’t let me lock my room. When my friends can do it. I don’t know what’s the problem seriously. Knocking isn’t such a big deal. And when I read novels or go to my laptop, she’ll be like “what are you doing? Just come here and take care of your brother” my friends’ mom barely do that, they’re cool. Instead my mom always tell my second brother to read or type, but he never does it cuz all he do is being like a dimwit and play. Though she knows I like to do the stuff my younger second bro doesn’t like to do, she always tell me to stop and help her take care of my baby bro or clean this that and blablabla. She always think everything I do is pointless. Maybe some people are right, “sometimes mothers act cooler to other’s child than to theirs”
I’ve always told that I’m the first child and that I should be mature and get lose with my younger brothers and give them what they want. But my second brother doesn’t do that with my baby brother and mom is fine with it at times. She just shout at him and that’s it even though my baby bro cried when he did that. But when I do that to my second bro, she’s gonna give me a bunch of craps and won’t talk to me for a week or something.
Mom only relate to me if she wants something or on girl stuff. Like shopping or if she needs money when she doesn’t have it or if she wants something from dad. She always uses my name whenever she wants things from my dad too at times, like, nisa wants to buy this and this, when she’s the one who want it.
I never tried again or even talk to mom or dad about the things, the private things, happening in my life that they don’t know. Sometimes I can’t relate with other moms better. They even listen to my stories. Mom wouldn’t even bother. She’ll be like ‘take care of your brother, I’m tired’ or ‘clean this up, that up, or ‘you’re so fat or you’re face is dirty again, do you ever use the stuff I bought and blabla…’ or ‘be like this, that, him, her, they’re blablabla’. So why should I even bother start to talk to her about my stuff if all her opinion will all lead to those things. My friends’ mom would be like “oh really?” n “why?” n “so how did it go?” n “what happen next?” at least try to have fun. All my mom do is like clean this that, need to do this that, everything needs to be done and that that, she’s the one who’s tiring herself. No one tells her to clean this up and that up. She’s the one who looks for things to do or jobs at her free time when everything is fine sometimes.
I only have free times when my baby bro is asleep or stuff but mom would still give me stuff to do when that’s my free time. Cuz it doesn’t matter day or night, I’ll have to take care of my baby bro and then she’s gonna keep me to take care of him cuz “she’s tired after the day”
Sometimes I even think that my baby bro is not so close with my mom after all, since all he needs her is to drink from her milk, that’s it. But if not, he’ll be fine without her, even I think my mom doesn’t know him as well as me, who’s like mostly with him everyday. I just couldn’t understand mom, cuz I don’t know what’s her age but she always complain “tireeedd” all the time when what she does every day is not so hard. Some older people do harder stuff but they don’t complain. I think none of my parents could get me bcoz none of them have ever felt being the first child. Mom is the last and dad is the second, although sometimes dad knows stuff I hate and that I must’ve be annoyed, but none of them will really know how I feel. Mom couldn’t even appreciate what I do or even compliment me. Dad doesn’t even get what a girl wants really. He always acts all annoying and stuff at times to my brothers or me, which isn’t funny cuz it’ll only cause troubles. Sometimes I want to run away. I feel like, I’m just a burden in this family. My parents, especially my mom: Every time they did something for me, it’ll end up sounds like a burden or something regretful. Which makes me feel like crap if I’ve done something that I know, won’t make them proud. And I know they want me to have a good life and future, but sometimes they should loosen up a bit, especially my mom, she’s always serious with me. It’s annoying. When my dad is all goofy with me when it’s not even cool. I want to have a good family time and night together, but it mostly end up with fights and annoyance either from my dad or brothers. It’s annoying. That’s why whenever we’re gonna go to theme parks or stuff, my mom would invite her older sister’s children which is my cousins. Which is really not a family night. I’m so jealous looking at pictures of my friends with their family going to another country or somewhere and have so much fun. That can never happen with my family. So instead of going with them, I’ll rather just go with my friends or cousins.
Right now I feel like a dumbass, cuz I just cried. I cried over this. Cuz my mom is being a bitch at me and everyone in this whole family are assholes except my baby brother. I feel sorry for my baby bro at times cuz he’s all innocent. Anyways I shouldn’t cry, cuz I’m strong. Some people have worse situation than I am, so I should be strong and tough.
I just wish like at this kind of times, there is someone I can talk to. Usually I talk it over with my close friends but they’re not here now. So I should just cheer up. Whatever happens…Who cares. I don’t care if they’re gonna hate me. I sometimes wonder what would they do if I die? Would they still care? But whatever, I’m strong. I shouldn’t cry. Get over this. Just be myself. They’re also just human. So be strong.
I’m a big girl and I’m mature. I can handle everything. Just keep smiling.
Just they wait and see. I’m gonna be a successful person in the future and I’m gonna prove em that it’s not because of them. It’s because of my hard work. It’s not my fault that they’re having probs with my school stuff here before. It’s all bcoz of dad’s fault, but they always put the burden on me. they’re gonna be like “for u…we did this that this that,…for u…we blablabla….”
If dad could just stay for another three fuckin months, it won’t be so damning hard. But why should I always have to hear the crap and get the blame, when none of them wants to ever listen to me. cuz they will always change the damning subject. Yep.
I really do need extra patience living this life. Just prove em wrong nisa. They never help you with any of your work before and you cope with good grades. SO let them be busy with what they’re doing. Don’t let their words make you feel like a fuckin loser. Cuz you’re not. Prove em that their ways of trying to raise children aren’t always right. They always comment on how wrong some parents treat their children and sometimes they know other children’s feelings better than their own. So let them be. Just wait and see. I don’t care if I’m gonna make em proud or not cuz they’re never proud of what I get, they’re always “be better than him, her, or blabla…”. I’m gonna make myself proud.
p.s. : I know I may sound over sentiment or whatever you wanna say but if you’re in my position, you’re gonna feel how annoying and fucking unfair it is. Especially if your younger bro always want to get you in trouble. It’s such a piss off. I wonder if I were a guy…my parents would be so nice to me probably whether I’m the first or the last. But whatever…I’m tired. Just ignore those unimportant hisses. I have my own freedom too. Just be yourself. I don’t wanna regret or ruin my once in a lifetime teenage life and I’m not gonna let them ruin it either, cuz it’s MY life. They had theirs, now it’s mine. They should just stop thinking about their past life and compare it to now and boss me around. They had their chance I don’t care whatever they did. Whether they ruin it or what but now it’s my chance. Let me do whatever I want to do, they can just give me advice, but if I did the wrong thing, I think it’ll be okay cuz I should learn from my mistakes but I wouldn’t regret it either. It’s funny though, they thought me going to a normal school instead of wanting to go to a boarding school is because I want to stay with family, with them. But it’s so wrong. It’s because I wanna go to the malls, party, check out guys, have fun…meet my friends…and can study with friends and experience something new. I actually like the thought of boarding, getting away from your parents and annoying pesty brothers, but I thought again, once I go to school, I’m gonna be busy and I won’t see em much anyway. So just be patient nisa. Patience is the key to success. Yep. I know it seems like my life sucks. But it is what it is. I’m sorry if it’s so not interesting to you, but I don’t know where else to get it out. So sorry once again. I’m such a loser.
Nothing much...
I am really bored. I can't wait until the next 3 days, i'm gonna be so busy with parties and stuff. Aghh..it's gonna be awesome. Cuz right now, my house is like empty and quiet. I'm alone with my baby bro, cuz my mom and other bro went somewhere, and my dad is in east java til i dunno when, and i dunno what to do. So i end up here and facebook.
Haha anyway, so omg, facebook is getting sooo...full. Like almost everyone any age and anytime from anywhere are like there. Though sometimes it's kinda pointless except you can see your friends, but sometimes it's fun. It's amazing how people find fun like that :P but well for some, it's different.
But anyway i'm just givin an update of my booooriiiinngggg life. From my previous posts you might think that i have no life, yeah? well it's like it, cuz i'm like so bored. So w/e. Let's just chill. :))
Haha anyway, so omg, facebook is getting sooo...full. Like almost everyone any age and anytime from anywhere are like there. Though sometimes it's kinda pointless except you can see your friends, but sometimes it's fun. It's amazing how people find fun like that :P but well for some, it's different.
But anyway i'm just givin an update of my booooriiiinngggg life. From my previous posts you might think that i have no life, yeah? well it's like it, cuz i'm like so bored. So w/e. Let's just chill. :))
Life and Death
God creates everything we use, we do, we have, we own, we make and everything involves us. God creates our life. The life we’re living. God gave us the emotions, the failures, the gifts, the talents, the problems, the challenges and the things happening around us. God gave us the freedom to live the life he gave us, up to our own way. Some of us can appreciate it and use this one of a lifetime chance of living the best they can and some of us can just blow it of with suicides and stupid things. But when the time comes—when God really wants us to leave this world—nothing can hinder. We can’t run away or hide. All we can do is be thankful for the one chance of the life you were given and look at the memories. Maybe it all won’t be awesome and happy memories. There are always obstacles in everyone’s life that includes pain, sufferings, and patience. But all this painful and sorrowful memories are sometimes how God probably want us to learn and be a stronger and greater person. We all should just look at it as a test from God that we should handle. Everyone has different problems they have to handle and some of us would think why does God give them such a cruel life? You can lose your beloved one, you can lose your property, you can even lose everything that you think dying is even better.
But there is more to life than that. Sometimes us humans can’t just get enough and be thankful what they have. They complain, they whine, they envy, they steal, they kill, they want to be the center everything and they want lots of things. We always want the thing that we don’t have and sometimes can’t have. Sometimes God gave us even a very lifetime punish which is regrets and choices. Every human have that. We never know what can happen in our very own life. But the most painful thing in this world for us is mostly losing the one you love. But the important thing is to just look at it as ‘the time’, because in this life, no one can live forever. God creates us and we will return to him at our own ‘time’. We will return to God as our creator. Peoples ‘time’ differ, some can die when they’re babies, or from a painful, heartbreaking sickness or a shocking, sorrowful accident. We never know what God have for us in each of our future. So make your life the best of it.
Okay looking what I wrote above are giving me chills. I don’t why I decide to write those, well I do but it kinda squeeze my heart and tear me up. I don’t know why. I know I’m a very sentimental person and I wrote this because of some of my relatives relative are dying from such a very saddening disease and other. Although I don’t know them or maybe I do, but it might be better for them to die at their very old age than live through such a painful life with that disease. Though they might be the ones we love but we must let them go if it might be best for them than to let them suffer in their life and think of it as misery than giving them and letting them have the best lifetime memory. But anyway all I want to say is…maybe I don’t know these people but Uncles from my uncle’s brother or sister or anyone that I still can call a relative that just passed away lately. I wish you all go to heaven and will rest in peace.
Everyone will miss you all and is sad losing you all. Everyone you know are sending their prayers for all of you and let peace spread upon you all. We all hope you are all will be put in heaven. God the forgiving, the creator, the owner of everything he made and the greatest will want to give the best for his human beings. Amien.
But there is more to life than that. Sometimes us humans can’t just get enough and be thankful what they have. They complain, they whine, they envy, they steal, they kill, they want to be the center everything and they want lots of things. We always want the thing that we don’t have and sometimes can’t have. Sometimes God gave us even a very lifetime punish which is regrets and choices. Every human have that. We never know what can happen in our very own life. But the most painful thing in this world for us is mostly losing the one you love. But the important thing is to just look at it as ‘the time’, because in this life, no one can live forever. God creates us and we will return to him at our own ‘time’. We will return to God as our creator. Peoples ‘time’ differ, some can die when they’re babies, or from a painful, heartbreaking sickness or a shocking, sorrowful accident. We never know what God have for us in each of our future. So make your life the best of it.
Okay looking what I wrote above are giving me chills. I don’t why I decide to write those, well I do but it kinda squeeze my heart and tear me up. I don’t know why. I know I’m a very sentimental person and I wrote this because of some of my relatives relative are dying from such a very saddening disease and other. Although I don’t know them or maybe I do, but it might be better for them to die at their very old age than live through such a painful life with that disease. Though they might be the ones we love but we must let them go if it might be best for them than to let them suffer in their life and think of it as misery than giving them and letting them have the best lifetime memory. But anyway all I want to say is…maybe I don’t know these people but Uncles from my uncle’s brother or sister or anyone that I still can call a relative that just passed away lately. I wish you all go to heaven and will rest in peace.
Everyone will miss you all and is sad losing you all. Everyone you know are sending their prayers for all of you and let peace spread upon you all. We all hope you are all will be put in heaven. God the forgiving, the creator, the owner of everything he made and the greatest will want to give the best for his human beings. Amien.
.NOW.
Now. Right now. What I’m thinking right now. Lezze…hmm…you know what I’m thinking? I’m thinking about the short holiday they have in an Indonesian school. It’s like you go to school a perfect year. Huuuhh. I wonder how I’m gonna cope. Bwek. :?
Although there are a lot of these days where they call it the “Red days” it’s like an off day but they have lots of it so…it helps. I think I’m gonna be humiliated at times. Huuuhhh. What a tough life. New Place. New friends. New School. New…I dunno…but it’s all out there.
But I will be the same. I’ll be neutral like I always am. I don’t want to be involved in other people’s business that I’m not suppose to interfere and stuff…
Hmmm…I can’t wait to chill and go somewhere…
Although there are a lot of these days where they call it the “Red days” it’s like an off day but they have lots of it so…it helps. I think I’m gonna be humiliated at times. Huuuhhh. What a tough life. New Place. New friends. New School. New…I dunno…but it’s all out there.
But I will be the same. I’ll be neutral like I always am. I don’t want to be involved in other people’s business that I’m not suppose to interfere and stuff…
Hmmm…I can’t wait to chill and go somewhere…
PLANS
In a week I’m gonna go to a cousin’s house and we’re gonna shop till drop’ baby =P hoho…we’re gonna refresh our eyes and brains. I can’t wait for it. And heii…don’t forget lookin’ out for hotties…yeehaaa…well I get to know some and they’re really cute and sweet….
Wahaha…but I’m gonna stick to my words and I’m gonna do that. I got this quote from my friend who got it from one of PCD’s song…
“I don’t wanna fall in love…just wanna have a little fun.”
=P like that. I personally don’t really like relationship but then at one time, I really have to commit to a real one. I mean what I don’t like about it is, the word “relationship” really sounds official. When I’m the type of person who likes to be friends but then can be more but without an official state. An open relationship maybe. Cuz’ being in a relationship is complex at times. Sometimes it’s a heartbreaker, sometimes it’s jealousy and sometimes its trust probs. I’m sure you guys have felt it too and it sucks.
So sometimes it’s complex. Nothing is in this world or life is easy. It’s a matter of losing and winning. So just cope with it. But anyway the plan is shopping then goin to the movie, checkin out guys, hang out, have some peaceful moment…like maskering and stuff.
Waaa…I just can’t believe the past 4 months I’ve been here. In Indonesia. All I’ve had is like busy weeks for school stuff and some other shit and craps. So I just can’t wait after next week get-aways. Hehe. Lots of cool plans.
I’m looking forward to meet my gang too…and you know who you are. I MISS YOU GUYSSS….sooo much! Love you tons! We’re gonna have a reunion fo sho =D
I can’t really trust anyone yet except them. They are one of the people that can bring out the best in me =)
So that’s one of the plans too. Also sleepovers. Hang out with them. And then in the middle of july I’m gonna have to head back with school stuff. Which sucks. But look at the bright side; it’s for my future, right?
So I shouldn’t whine or complain. It’s a new experience. A new life at a new place. I never know what can be out there for me. So…cheer up up up… ^__^
Aza aza…FIGHTING! Hehe. (Know where I got that, guys? Ofc you do… XD)
;)
Wahaha…but I’m gonna stick to my words and I’m gonna do that. I got this quote from my friend who got it from one of PCD’s song…
“I don’t wanna fall in love…just wanna have a little fun.”
=P like that. I personally don’t really like relationship but then at one time, I really have to commit to a real one. I mean what I don’t like about it is, the word “relationship” really sounds official. When I’m the type of person who likes to be friends but then can be more but without an official state. An open relationship maybe. Cuz’ being in a relationship is complex at times. Sometimes it’s a heartbreaker, sometimes it’s jealousy and sometimes its trust probs. I’m sure you guys have felt it too and it sucks.
So sometimes it’s complex. Nothing is in this world or life is easy. It’s a matter of losing and winning. So just cope with it. But anyway the plan is shopping then goin to the movie, checkin out guys, hang out, have some peaceful moment…like maskering and stuff.
Waaa…I just can’t believe the past 4 months I’ve been here. In Indonesia. All I’ve had is like busy weeks for school stuff and some other shit and craps. So I just can’t wait after next week get-aways. Hehe. Lots of cool plans.
I’m looking forward to meet my gang too…and you know who you are. I MISS YOU GUYSSS….sooo much! Love you tons! We’re gonna have a reunion fo sho =D
I can’t really trust anyone yet except them. They are one of the people that can bring out the best in me =)
So that’s one of the plans too. Also sleepovers. Hang out with them. And then in the middle of july I’m gonna have to head back with school stuff. Which sucks. But look at the bright side; it’s for my future, right?
So I shouldn’t whine or complain. It’s a new experience. A new life at a new place. I never know what can be out there for me. So…cheer up up up… ^__^
Aza aza…FIGHTING! Hehe. (Know where I got that, guys? Ofc you do… XD)
;)
I thought…
I thought I met the right person…
The right person who fits my ideal guy…
A person that’s different than any guy I’ve met…
A person that I can count on…
A person I can share with…
A person. Who is a guy that I can trust with…
…But all those thoughts are wrong.
He was just the same as others. Nothing special. Nothing surprising.
Cuz’ after all, he’s also just human. I sometime want to think of him as a heartbreaker. But I have no right to. People have different emotions and feelings, and they have the right to show it. So he doesn’t deserve to be called a heartbreaker, cuz’ after all I was the one who is mostly wrong. Why did I even fall for him? Why did I even fell for his acts? I shouldn’t have got my hopes to high, when I know being friends was enough.
I am just a human. A hopeless, useless and egotistical human. I just can’t seem to get anything right. I made mistakes. I’m not always the winner. I’m imperfect. I’m way far off from the word ‘perfect’. I shouldn’t even look at him that way because I know he looks at me differently. I want to blame myself for being so self-centered. I feel like a fuckin bitch. But as I said before, I’m way off from perfect. I am imperfect.
I want to cry but he doesn’t worth the tears. I want to swear but even those words are not enough. I’m a strong person, and I should stay that way. I should always think that I’m actually such a lucky, very lucky person. I have mostly everything I want, while others suffer from something way more serious and important. This is what makes me feel so hopeless. Crying just for a guy, a crush, a boyfriend and things like this is worthless. I feel like I’m so self-centered and I cannot be thankful for what I got. I’m sucha loser.
Although, I think of him as a jerk and her as a brat . I know it’s mean and I have no right to say it but fuck off. I can say what I want okay. I’m just a self-centered, conceited, sentimental person. Or whatever you want to call me. Cuz’ I’m just a fuckin bitch myself.
Actually I don’t even know myself. All that I know is I’m imperfect. I really want to do something I can be proud of and for everyone else I love to be proud of too. But I’m just a piece of shit, if just at these kinds of things…I’m complaining and giving total crap and being such an ass about it too.
I shouldn’t cry. I’m strong. I’m independent. I can forget him because he’s nothing special and I’m nothing special for him either. So I should start to focus and just look at the bright side.
Like…look at it this way. I learned a lot of things.
First, don’t fall for someone easily.
Second, words can be full of lies.
Three, fate doesn’t come so obviously.
Four, true love is just fake.
Five, everyone always have a bad side in them.
Just take it for experience and needs to be careful for later on. For now, I wanna commit to something right. I want to focus on my school things first and no boyfriend-shit/crushes. And I really want to take it seriously. I don’t wanna be like just all talk. I don’t want to just say and write it but I really want to do it. After all “boyfriend/crushes” are not the most important thing in life and the same thing for guys thinks about “girlfriends/crushes” prolly. But I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as I’m happy and I have great friends. I just want to commit on something right and really success with it. I don’t want to be some ruined unsuccessful person. I want to be a great person, whom everyone can be proud of. Even myself.
I wanna show that I can be a person that can commit to something. Not like some people, who said things that they totally ignore later on.
But before I kept on going on…I want to say sorry if I wrote lots of swearing words and this prolly bore you guys off and I’m truly very sorry, cuz’ I don’t really know where to let it out and I don’t know what I’m really feeling. It’s all just jumble up and all of these things are just said out of mind. I’m not really thinking clearly lately. So I’m sorry.
But I just want to share this quote I made, to you guys…
“You’re the wind and I’m the air. So I won’t suffocate when you’re not mine.”
I made this quote and I always kept it on my head. Somehow it cheers me up and clear my mind for a bit. This always makes me think that he’s not always mine. He’s not my property, nor is he my belonging. He’s a person just like me. So I shouldn’t bitch around anymore. I feel so sorry for this blog. It’s like a place where I kept turning on when I have probs. Hufh.
I truly am very sorry for the things that I wrote if it makes you readers uncomfortable. I’m apologizing on my disrespectful behalf.
But when I’m thinking over it again, I don’t really feel sad or depressed. It’s more like annoyed. So maybe he’s just a “passers” for me. It’s not true love. True love is not always obvious. It’s just puppy love. So I’m ready to let go. Although as you must’ve heard… “Letting go of someone is harder than falling for someone”
And one more thing… “I’ll rather sleep dreamless than dream about you” know that one? I made that and it’s true, rather than dreaming and wondering about that jerk. I have better things to do and to think. Seeing him again is so sickening. But I don’t care what he’s gonna do anymore. Whatever happens I don’t care. It’s time for me to just say ta-ta to him and her, cuz’ they’re just nothing but a friend. Not even a close one. And I dunno anything about them and who did what and how it starts so all I can do is just be happy for him and her. So congrats. It’s from the heart too…I’m sure I can let go. I’m not the revengeful kinda person. =)
Now…I think I’m outta words. I say…I should chill. Wahaha. Nah. Know what? There are still a buncha guys out there. Maybe even hotter ones. Which is true. =_= see why I feel so annoyed with myself. The things I wrote above is just to get anger out of my head cuz’ I’m annoyed. I’m not broken hearted or anything. I’m just annoyed and pissed at myself.
Hufh…I wanna get away for a moment and just leave this place and this state of position. I wanna get loose and free. Why do I have to let this happen again? Huft.
But I know I’m different. I’m not gonna waste my time just thinking about this, there are still a bunch of other things to do. So get over it and let’s have some fun! =)
The right person who fits my ideal guy…
A person that’s different than any guy I’ve met…
A person that I can count on…
A person I can share with…
A person. Who is a guy that I can trust with…
…But all those thoughts are wrong.
He was just the same as others. Nothing special. Nothing surprising.
Cuz’ after all, he’s also just human. I sometime want to think of him as a heartbreaker. But I have no right to. People have different emotions and feelings, and they have the right to show it. So he doesn’t deserve to be called a heartbreaker, cuz’ after all I was the one who is mostly wrong. Why did I even fall for him? Why did I even fell for his acts? I shouldn’t have got my hopes to high, when I know being friends was enough.
I am just a human. A hopeless, useless and egotistical human. I just can’t seem to get anything right. I made mistakes. I’m not always the winner. I’m imperfect. I’m way far off from the word ‘perfect’. I shouldn’t even look at him that way because I know he looks at me differently. I want to blame myself for being so self-centered. I feel like a fuckin bitch. But as I said before, I’m way off from perfect. I am imperfect.
I want to cry but he doesn’t worth the tears. I want to swear but even those words are not enough. I’m a strong person, and I should stay that way. I should always think that I’m actually such a lucky, very lucky person. I have mostly everything I want, while others suffer from something way more serious and important. This is what makes me feel so hopeless. Crying just for a guy, a crush, a boyfriend and things like this is worthless. I feel like I’m so self-centered and I cannot be thankful for what I got. I’m sucha loser.
Although, I think of him as a jerk and her as a brat . I know it’s mean and I have no right to say it but fuck off. I can say what I want okay. I’m just a self-centered, conceited, sentimental person. Or whatever you want to call me. Cuz’ I’m just a fuckin bitch myself.
Actually I don’t even know myself. All that I know is I’m imperfect. I really want to do something I can be proud of and for everyone else I love to be proud of too. But I’m just a piece of shit, if just at these kinds of things…I’m complaining and giving total crap and being such an ass about it too.
I shouldn’t cry. I’m strong. I’m independent. I can forget him because he’s nothing special and I’m nothing special for him either. So I should start to focus and just look at the bright side.
Like…look at it this way. I learned a lot of things.
First, don’t fall for someone easily.
Second, words can be full of lies.
Three, fate doesn’t come so obviously.
Four, true love is just fake.
Five, everyone always have a bad side in them.
Just take it for experience and needs to be careful for later on. For now, I wanna commit to something right. I want to focus on my school things first and no boyfriend-shit/crushes. And I really want to take it seriously. I don’t wanna be like just all talk. I don’t want to just say and write it but I really want to do it. After all “boyfriend/crushes” are not the most important thing in life and the same thing for guys thinks about “girlfriends/crushes” prolly. But I don’t know and I don’t care, as long as I’m happy and I have great friends. I just want to commit on something right and really success with it. I don’t want to be some ruined unsuccessful person. I want to be a great person, whom everyone can be proud of. Even myself.
I wanna show that I can be a person that can commit to something. Not like some people, who said things that they totally ignore later on.
But before I kept on going on…I want to say sorry if I wrote lots of swearing words and this prolly bore you guys off and I’m truly very sorry, cuz’ I don’t really know where to let it out and I don’t know what I’m really feeling. It’s all just jumble up and all of these things are just said out of mind. I’m not really thinking clearly lately. So I’m sorry.
But I just want to share this quote I made, to you guys…
“You’re the wind and I’m the air. So I won’t suffocate when you’re not mine.”
I made this quote and I always kept it on my head. Somehow it cheers me up and clear my mind for a bit. This always makes me think that he’s not always mine. He’s not my property, nor is he my belonging. He’s a person just like me. So I shouldn’t bitch around anymore. I feel so sorry for this blog. It’s like a place where I kept turning on when I have probs. Hufh.
I truly am very sorry for the things that I wrote if it makes you readers uncomfortable. I’m apologizing on my disrespectful behalf.
But when I’m thinking over it again, I don’t really feel sad or depressed. It’s more like annoyed. So maybe he’s just a “passers” for me. It’s not true love. True love is not always obvious. It’s just puppy love. So I’m ready to let go. Although as you must’ve heard… “Letting go of someone is harder than falling for someone”
And one more thing… “I’ll rather sleep dreamless than dream about you” know that one? I made that and it’s true, rather than dreaming and wondering about that jerk. I have better things to do and to think. Seeing him again is so sickening. But I don’t care what he’s gonna do anymore. Whatever happens I don’t care. It’s time for me to just say ta-ta to him and her, cuz’ they’re just nothing but a friend. Not even a close one. And I dunno anything about them and who did what and how it starts so all I can do is just be happy for him and her. So congrats. It’s from the heart too…I’m sure I can let go. I’m not the revengeful kinda person. =)
Now…I think I’m outta words. I say…I should chill. Wahaha. Nah. Know what? There are still a buncha guys out there. Maybe even hotter ones. Which is true. =_= see why I feel so annoyed with myself. The things I wrote above is just to get anger out of my head cuz’ I’m annoyed. I’m not broken hearted or anything. I’m just annoyed and pissed at myself.
Hufh…I wanna get away for a moment and just leave this place and this state of position. I wanna get loose and free. Why do I have to let this happen again? Huft.
But I know I’m different. I’m not gonna waste my time just thinking about this, there are still a bunch of other things to do. So get over it and let’s have some fun! =)
Before stuff come up…
Wow. I haven’t written here for a long time, it’s like…it’s untaken care of. But anyway there were some probs with my internet and its been like shit to me but so many things happen and I’ve been wanting to write it here. Although I’ve wrote it but then I can’t post it yet until now and it’s actually something unimportant to you, I’m sure but it’s important to me. It’s rather boring, but I just need to get it out someway.
So here are the few posts that’s been on the waiting list…
So here are the few posts that’s been on the waiting list…
Crave...waaah
Oh my God...i just wish like right now, there'll be a buffet for korean foods. AAAAHHHHHH....................i'm craving korean foods right now bcoz of this tv show.....hmmm....yum yum yum yum.
i wish it would come true....but it prolly wouldn't so sabar ajahhh nisss.
but u know what??!? i'm gonna reach out my goal, be succesful and GET WHAT I WANT.!.!
soooo aza aza fighting!!!!!!
Ahhh it's so tempting and so hungry..! but i only want korean foods...! i want spicy ones that can burn in your mouth and that'll beat the hotness of today's sunlight...wahhhh.....i seriously am craving it. huft.
i wish it would come true....but it prolly wouldn't so sabar ajahhh nisss.
but u know what??!? i'm gonna reach out my goal, be succesful and GET WHAT I WANT.!.!
soooo aza aza fighting!!!!!!
Ahhh it's so tempting and so hungry..! but i only want korean foods...! i want spicy ones that can burn in your mouth and that'll beat the hotness of today's sunlight...wahhhh.....i seriously am craving it. huft.
Cylindrical?
Whatever. Right now, i'm feeling so dizzy. Ugh. It's so not cool. I hate it. My eyes are a little bit cylindrical or i don't know now, but it's so annoying. Whenever i switch places from dark to light, i'll get dizzy and everything will switch color and i'll see lots of dots and flying stuff from my eyes. It's freaky.
I almost fell. Hwaaa...and my head is dizzy. But i don't want to drink carrot juice. i hate it. Just telling you one thing guys, don't ever get cylindrical eyes. It sucx like hell...
I almost fell. Hwaaa...and my head is dizzy. But i don't want to drink carrot juice. i hate it. Just telling you one thing guys, don't ever get cylindrical eyes. It sucx like hell...
A Little...twinkle twinkle... XD
OMG...i just did something HILARIOUS. I know this sounds mean but i made my baby bro cry. HAHAAH. IT's sooo funi...it's hilarious how he cries.
So i was singing "twinkle, twinkle little stars" to him so he will sleep. But u know what happen??!? INstead of sleeping, he was CRYING. it's HILARIOUS. So i kept annoying him by singing twinkle twinkle little stars so he kept on crying. HAHAHA.
It's so irresistable though. It's so funny how he cries. His lips are going to pout first, then tremble then totally CRIES! It's so funny if you see the whole process.
I guess my voice makes him SAD =D hahah. I'm a cruel sister. But heii...can't a sister have a lil bit of fun? ehehehehe.
Happy on someone's misery. hahaha.
So i was singing "twinkle, twinkle little stars" to him so he will sleep. But u know what happen??!? INstead of sleeping, he was CRYING. it's HILARIOUS. So i kept annoying him by singing twinkle twinkle little stars so he kept on crying. HAHAHA.
It's so irresistable though. It's so funny how he cries. His lips are going to pout first, then tremble then totally CRIES! It's so funny if you see the whole process.
I guess my voice makes him SAD =D hahah. I'm a cruel sister. But heii...can't a sister have a lil bit of fun? ehehehehe.
Happy on someone's misery. hahaha.
Happy, annoyed, dissapointed...it's all jumbled up.
Right now...i don't know what's on my mind or what i'm feeling bcoz all of it are jumbled up. It's like everything is a spazz but i'm not spazzing.
First of all, today...i was kind of dissapointed, actually. I just realised it now. I was dissapointed that i didn't see the person who i want to see. But it was healed. =) I saw others that can cheer me up.
Secondly...i'm annoyed. I just remember today was like kind of embarassing. No one can really say my middle name right and it's annoying. Although,..it makes me feel special... =D hehehe. I mean it's not hard or anything.
And now, i'm happy randomly. XD hahaha see...my mind and feelings are being capricious. I feel so stupid, i thought about lots of stuff to write but then when i see the page, i totaly lose em. It's like blank.
Anyways i'm just wondering what i reaaaalllyyy should do that's actualy useful.
But ooohhhh.....i saw this raaannndom guyy at this place..and he looks manly buut he sounds so fuckinly GAY. IT's freakyyy....
....my thoughts were like .... "whoaaaa.....holy shit, is he gaaayy?" cuz he certainly act like a gay person.
AND NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WANT TO SAY! SO okay...I'm gonna be in HIGH SCHOOL, like HIGH SCHOOL!!! can u believe it? yes. :P
hahaha. so lame.
but yea....high school makes me sound SOOO friggin OLD. I mean i may be a high schoolers but i don't think i act like one XD hehehe.
Maybe i can think like one but don't really act like one. HAha.
I wish i can cope with these stuff. Indo sounds scary. Hahaha. I don't know why, i'm excited but nervous. And it's also SO different from my old school in Saudi.
THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY fuckin RULES! it's blegghhh...even some useless ones. Gee...
i am one bad student. Hahaha. But i'll adapt, i mean it won't be totally useless right? Right. Just have to cope with it cuz this is why they call this...LIFE.
Hahaha. I'm being weird right now. maybeee...I don't know.
Did i tell you i'm gonna watch the korena drama??? OFC. hehehe. It's tonite. hahah i can't waaaittt. I'm pretty excited to watch it again. Hahaha. what a suck up.
I thinnnkkk i sweared kind of a lot. I don't know. But forgive me, this is only happens when i'm high. Not always but mostly. Hehe.
First of all, today...i was kind of dissapointed, actually. I just realised it now. I was dissapointed that i didn't see the person who i want to see. But it was healed. =) I saw others that can cheer me up.
Secondly...i'm annoyed. I just remember today was like kind of embarassing. No one can really say my middle name right and it's annoying. Although,..it makes me feel special... =D hehehe. I mean it's not hard or anything.
And now, i'm happy randomly. XD hahaha see...my mind and feelings are being capricious. I feel so stupid, i thought about lots of stuff to write but then when i see the page, i totaly lose em. It's like blank.
Anyways i'm just wondering what i reaaaalllyyy should do that's actualy useful.
But ooohhhh.....i saw this raaannndom guyy at this place..and he looks manly buut he sounds so fuckinly GAY. IT's freakyyy....
....my thoughts were like .... "whoaaaa.....holy shit, is he gaaayy?" cuz he certainly act like a gay person.
AND NOW I REMEMBER WHAT I WANT TO SAY! SO okay...I'm gonna be in HIGH SCHOOL, like HIGH SCHOOL!!! can u believe it? yes. :P
hahaha. so lame.
but yea....high school makes me sound SOOO friggin OLD. I mean i may be a high schoolers but i don't think i act like one XD hehehe.
Maybe i can think like one but don't really act like one. HAha.
I wish i can cope with these stuff. Indo sounds scary. Hahaha. I don't know why, i'm excited but nervous. And it's also SO different from my old school in Saudi.
THERE ARE JUST TOO MANY fuckin RULES! it's blegghhh...even some useless ones. Gee...
i am one bad student. Hahaha. But i'll adapt, i mean it won't be totally useless right? Right. Just have to cope with it cuz this is why they call this...LIFE.
Hahaha. I'm being weird right now. maybeee...I don't know.
Did i tell you i'm gonna watch the korena drama??? OFC. hehehe. It's tonite. hahah i can't waaaittt. I'm pretty excited to watch it again. Hahaha. what a suck up.
I thinnnkkk i sweared kind of a lot. I don't know. But forgive me, this is only happens when i'm high. Not always but mostly. Hehe.
Poem of the day...
Mirror
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
This is a poem by Sylvia Plath who's poem i have to analyze as one of my project for language art honors, before i moved to Indo. It brings sucha memories =( it's sad. I miss those guys so much.
I still remember how my friends were all like "Anisa, you will choose a poet that has sucha heart breaking, lovey dovey, suicidal hard poemsss" XD and its trueee.....i chose sylvia plath. Haha. SHe's a poet who get into suicide bcoz of depression. Yes. people. DEPRESSION.
Life can be so scary at times. Some people want to have a long life but some want to end it really fast. It's kind of scary but i love her poems. They have really cool meanings although for some, i didn't even get it. HAha. I still even remember Mr.B was like... "suuureee you can have her"
then.... neha, iman and malek who also have to analyze my paper was like O.o "wowww.....if it's not lovey dovey, nisa choose suicidal ones" HAHAHA. well i prove them wrong that i'm not all lovey dovey.
But anyway i love that poem called "Mirror", i love every words describing it. It's so cool.....haaahhh.....sweet memories.
I MISS MY JUBAILIESSS <3
I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
What ever you see I swallow immediately
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike.
I am not cruel, only truthful---
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.
Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me,
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully.
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.
This is a poem by Sylvia Plath who's poem i have to analyze as one of my project for language art honors, before i moved to Indo. It brings sucha memories =( it's sad. I miss those guys so much.
I still remember how my friends were all like "Anisa, you will choose a poet that has sucha heart breaking, lovey dovey, suicidal hard poemsss" XD and its trueee.....i chose sylvia plath. Haha. SHe's a poet who get into suicide bcoz of depression. Yes. people. DEPRESSION.
Life can be so scary at times. Some people want to have a long life but some want to end it really fast. It's kind of scary but i love her poems. They have really cool meanings although for some, i didn't even get it. HAha. I still even remember Mr.B was like... "suuureee you can have her"
then.... neha, iman and malek who also have to analyze my paper was like O.o "wowww.....if it's not lovey dovey, nisa choose suicidal ones" HAHAHA. well i prove them wrong that i'm not all lovey dovey.
But anyway i love that poem called "Mirror", i love every words describing it. It's so cool.....haaahhh.....sweet memories.
I MISS MY JUBAILIESSS <3
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About Me
- firsta
- A girl who loves to have a good laugh, hanging out, travelling, experiencing something new and meet new people. That's me. Always cheerful at the outside and very cheeky in the inside. A very easy-going and nice person. (: